The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
