guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
