did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
