also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
