Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
