I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
