so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
