Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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