in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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