so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
