I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
