Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
