If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
