weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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