That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
