some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
