I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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