3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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