I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
