dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Randomize
