it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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