i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
