I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
