I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
