i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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