Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
