awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
pray to the hookup gods
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
