Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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