im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Randomize
