I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
