If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
