I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
