I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
