Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
