I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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