this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
