it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
