Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
