i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Randomize
