I'm gonna have a badass scar
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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