I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
