even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
The ass gains better be worth it
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