haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Two words: blizzard sex
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
