The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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