I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
