I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
