Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
