Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
