Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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