I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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