I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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